“in the case of a water landing, those who can’t swim are going to have a tough time. Hold your breath as long as you can. Be nice to other passengers,  in case they know how to swim. Exits are located over the wings, however, if the wings come off, that’ll be tough. In the case of a power loss, lights will illuminate along the aisles,  as long as we didn’t forget to change the batteries. In the case of a crash landing, climb over anyone in your way to the nearest exit. Small portable electronic devices may be used as long as they’re in airplane mode, because, well, we’re on an airplane. If oxygen masks drop from the overhead, it’s probably too late. Tampering with, disabling,  or destroying lavatory smoke detectors will get your ass kicked.  Please, remain seated, with your seat belt fastened securely, so that locating your bodies will be easier.”

Thank you for flying with Dave Airlines. 

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