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Chad, 52, hails from Antarctica, where he was raised by a family of mountain climbing circus performers.  Leaving at the age of 12, to attend college at the University of Helsinki in Botswana, somewhere near Louisiana.  A master of the pan flute and nuclear physics, he is also fluent in 24 languages, including Aramaic and Brooklyn.  Retired from the porn industry, he now spends his time repairing light bulbs, perfecting his taxidermy, and training squirrels to defuse explosives.  None of that was true, except for his first name.

1. New York or Chicago style pizza?

I think that this was more important in years past, but today, the list of pizza styles has officially narrowed down to these:

  • Papa John’s
  • Dominos
  • Little Caesar’s
  • Best coupon deal in the mail right now
  • Who will drive into my neighborhood without fear of being shot
  • Whatever someone else already bought, and left unattended

Personally, I like them all, as long as they’re cooked right.

2. Mayo on fries; delicious or a crime against humanity?

This depends on locality.  Location, location, location.  It dictates whether you smooch or eat a dog, and whether you pet or eat a cow.  As Confucius once never said, “Fish in bowl is pet. Fish out of bowl is dinner”.  So, mayo on fries in Amsterdam is likely as normal as eating deep-fried hog testicles in Alabama.  With Kansas City style barbecue sauce of course.

3. What does the end of Birdman mean?

I haven’t seen it yet.  I’m still trying to figure out Memento, or why I bothered watching it, and why we haven’t seen a sequel to Super Troopers hit the theaters yet.  Or why hasn’t Hollywood rehashed other movies with effortless tweaks, like Apocalypse Now done with a Desert Storm backdrop, starring Leonardo DeCaprio and some boy-band lead singer?  They could get Whoopie Goldberg to play Col. Kurtz.  But anyhow, I promise I’ll try to watch Birdman soon and give you a really misinformed answer.

4. Can one ACTUALLY simply fly into Mordor?

I haven’t tried yet.  They may impose blackout dates on their rewards points.

5. Are the Articles of Confederation a legit 2ndary source for law?

That might depend on who we’re talking about.  For the SCOTUS, I’d say it weighs heavily for some cases.  For Congress/Senate, only when it makes them look smarter on a talk show interview.  POTUS, maybe when making a press statement.  FLOTUS/FMOTUS (someday), maybe when speaking to a group for a photo-op.  For most Americans, the answer to “what is a secondary source for law?” you’d probably get response like “Google” or “Is this Jeopardy?”.

6. Udon or Soba noodles?

Soba for me, but then again, I thought Udon was a planet from Star Wars.

7. Is a cucumber properly classified as a “raw pickle?”

I’d have to say: yes! Sort of like…

  • Pre-deceased human
  • Pre-corrupted politician
  • Un-crashed server

8. US president most likely to beat you up?

Living or dead?  Only living: There’s this list, but I don’t agree with it.  I’d say Trump.  Not because he could out-punch or out-kick me, but if he fell on me, it might cause an aneurysm.  All presidents, living or dead: Harrison Ford.

9. Rights; natural or state-granted?

That depends on what “rights” we’re referring to.  There are also different scopes and levels of “rights” such as local, state, federal, war zone, construction site, jail cell, and WalMart on black Friday.

It’s difficult to point at any human-related “right” as “natural” without there being at least *some* possibility of a state-related constraint, even the right to eat or breathe (think life support tube-feeding, and interrogation techniques, as extreme examples).  Some are tweaked more than denied, such as laws pertaining to marriage, drinking, owning and carrying guns, configurations of vehicles and aircraft, voting, sexual relations, gambling, and watching The View (I had to include that, because, as soon as I’m elected president, that show will be replaced by a new show called “this is how we make the meat you buy at the drive-thru”)

I’m no legal expert, but I often play one at parties when no real legal folks are in the room, but aside from that, I would say that “rights” are both objective and subjective.

Individually, we may project certain views as being ubiquitously universal and innate.  This could be termed subjectively-objective dogmatic, or simply: delusional.  And then, depending upon the circumstances (e.g. room of people around you), deemed either empirical, or laughable, or even punishable.

As a collective, at whatever layer of society we choose, we may canonize certain views as being ubiquitously universal, making them “laws”, at least to the extent of the borders of some geophysical or demographic jurisdiction.  I realize that a “right” and a “law” are not the same thing, but are often confused.  Regardless, this concept could be termed objectively-subjective, but I probably made all that shit up.

Putting on my non-legal paper hat, I’d suppose that a “right” may be effectively only subjective.  But with enough sympathetic subjectivity, you can achieve objectivity to some extent.  But I probably made that shit up too.  What the hell.  Rights may also be contextual with regards to relative social norms, historical disposition (era), and how much coffee the advocate has consumed.

10. Why is Italian transit never on time? Is it because of their post WW II aversion to trains being on time?

If I’m ever lucky enough to travel to Italy, and wait for a train to arrive, I will probably forget all about this question.

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