• IT Pros (aka “engineers”) think Devs (aka “programmers”) are stupid.  Devs think IT Pros are stupid.  This balance of energy is what powers the global ocean currents and air flows.
  • Quite a few business executives discuss their IT resources in much the same way as they do poker.
  • I heard a lot of “but our files are too big for the cloud”, followed by snickering and coughing.
  • Whatever time your next session begins, arrive 15 minutes earlier.  If the speaker is Johan, Russinovich, Hicks, Jones, Niehaus, Nystrom, or anyone from Sweden, arrive a day earlier.
  • Every single attendee had “Sr.” in front of their job title.  At least when they explained it to someone else.
  • Engineers are indeed capable of attending group training sessions without bathing or changing clothes for an entire week.
  • Find a secret electrical outlet and guard it with your life.  Your phone will depend on it to survive.
  • There’s a lot more to BranchCache than most engineers even want to know, which is why so many of them don’t even know if it’s really working.
  • When the coffee runs out… get as far away as you can from the area, immediately.
  • Restrooms are best visited during sessions, when the lines are only 5 minutes long.
  • Most of the capabilities you really, really, really want to be available in the cloud aren’t there yet.  Just the features you need at the moment.
  • Acronyms are no longer monolithic.  They are now reused on a daily basis.
  • The industrial gurus for each general area of technology are like demigods to their followers, but to professionals in other disciplines, they’re as useless as an empty fast food bag.
  • I kept hearing this “cloud” thing mentioned.
  • The time a vendor uses to delay answering your question of “how much does it cost?” is directly proportional to the actual cost.
  • “We are working on that” means another year before it really works.
  • The more stuff printed on a t-shirt, the less likely it will ever be worn in public by a sober individual.
  • Homeless people at 2:00 AM can’t run, but can still somehow keep within 20 feet of you as you walk awkwardly fast to your hotel.
  • Homeless people are rendered inactive by pretending to talk on your phone while walking by.
  • Without your smartphone, you are not only helpless, but dangerously vulnerable to the life-threatening risk of having to start a conversation with a stranger.
  • Liquefied scrambled eggs are perfectly acceptable when consumed with enough meat-like objects and sugary substances.
  • Trail mix bars with chocolate chips AND chili pepper seasoning were invented by the same people who invented waterboarding.  And, yes, they were offering them near the other snacks on Wednesday.
  • Next week there will be a lot of homeless people advertising for many of the Ignite vendors.  Their logos and slogans will be displayed to passers-by, upon the shirts and ball caps they are sleeping in, enhanced by a few layers of unidentifiable stains.
  • They will gladly sell you that same shirt at a discount. And many of them do take Visa and Mastercard now.


One thought on “Dave’s 15-minute Ignite 2016 Round-Up

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