• 16 lbs of suitable high explosives
  • 1 gallon of 96 octane gasoline
  • 1 lb of ground coffee
  • 1 propane torch
  • 1 flint lighter
  • 1 SCCM 2012 or current branch CAS site server
  • 1 SCCM 2012 or current branch associated primary site server
  • 32 oz of filtered water
  • 1 roll of duct tape
  • 24 yards x 36 inch wide roll of plastic bubble wrap
  • A baseball bat
  • Ear buds or headphones


  1. Combine the explosives and gasoline in a large, metal container.  Stir briskly with a shovel or baseball bat.
  2. Roll yourself into the bubble wrap and apply duct tape liberally.  Remember to leave openings for breathing, arm movements and going to the restroom.
  3. Move primary site server into a separate building, preferably more than a mile away.
  4. Ignite propane torch with flint lighter (note: striking box match on gold tooth also works)
  5. Heat explosive batter mixture for 15 minutes using propane torch.
  6. While heating mixture, combine filtered water and coffee in a separate metal container, stir with flint lighter handle for 10-15 minutes while heating with propane torch (alternating)
  7. Apply ear buds or headphones, and begin playing a suitable song, like Korn “Hear to Stay” or something by Sarah McLachlan.
  8. Pour explosive batter mixture on CAS server.  Allow to cool for 10 minutes.
  9. Pour heated coffee liquid into any reasonable container and consume immediately.
  10. Apply baseball bat to CAS for approximately 30 minutes, or until thoroughly softened.
  11. Ignite explosive batter using propane torch.
  12. Continue applying baseball bat until ignition.
  13. Cut into small squares and serve with a suitable wine or homemade liquor.
  14. Toss primary site server into a full-speed wood chipper and install a new primary site server.

Enjoy! 🙂


One thought on “How to Change an SCCM CAS Hierarchy to Primary Site

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