- 16 lbs of suitable high explosives
- 1 gallon of 96 octane gasoline
- 1 lb of ground coffee
- 1 propane torch
- 1 flint lighter
- 1 SCCM 2012 or current branch CAS site server
- 1 SCCM 2012 or current branch associated primary site server
- 32 oz of filtered water
- 1 roll of duct tape
- 24 yards x 36 inch wide roll of plastic bubble wrap
- A baseball bat
- Ear buds or headphones
- Combine the explosives and gasoline in a large, metal container. Stir briskly with a shovel or baseball bat.
- Roll yourself into the bubble wrap and apply duct tape liberally. Remember to leave openings for breathing, arm movements and going to the restroom.
- Move primary site server into a separate building, preferably more than a mile away.
- Ignite propane torch with flint lighter (note: striking box match on gold tooth also works)
- Heat explosive batter mixture for 15 minutes using propane torch.
- While heating mixture, combine filtered water and coffee in a separate metal container, stir with flint lighter handle for 10-15 minutes while heating with propane torch (alternating)
- Apply ear buds or headphones, and begin playing a suitable song, like Korn “Hear to Stay” or something by Sarah McLachlan.
- Pour explosive batter mixture on CAS server. Allow to cool for 10 minutes.
- Pour heated coffee liquid into any reasonable container and consume immediately.
- Apply baseball bat to CAS for approximately 30 minutes, or until thoroughly softened.
- Ignite explosive batter using propane torch.
- Continue applying baseball bat until ignition.
- Cut into small squares and serve with a suitable wine or homemade liquor.
- Toss primary site server into a full-speed wood chipper and install a new primary site server.