I just wanted to take a moment to thank the folks, past and present, who selflessly sacrificed their precious and dwindling brain cells to add that special extra something to all our lives.
The ones who couldn’t find it in themselves to stash those dangerous things in a place where the kids can’t reach them. The ones who reach under the running lawn mower. The ones who had to go and hijack airliners with box cutters; and wanted to make their shoes and underwear into killing devices. The ones who had to haphazardly use things for something other than for which they were intended. The ones who just couldn’t keep it away from an open flame. The ones who couldn’t help but sniff the fumes while filling up at the pump. The ones who thought it was a great idea to let the toddlers play with the plastic wrapping.
To them, and to the thousands of jobs and new industries they gave birth to, who make sure we don’t accidentally shove our belt buckles into electrical sockets: I say thank you!
Those extra steps we now are used to taking, and the extra time they take, are all well worth it I’m sure. And when I die and run into one of you in the next life, I’ll be sure to give you a hug and then choke you out into yet another afterlife.